Running, it isn't always healthy.
I went for a run, for about five minutes and then I realised...
I was running away from my feelings. Sadness about losing Zeus, worrying about a friend who’s struggling, frustration about how I reacted to a situation, impatience that things aren’t moving faster, feelings of distrust and also fear for the future… there were quite a few emotions, racing around in this head of mine.
I stopped running. Ok, I didn’t just stop because I realised I was running away from my feelings, my knees didn’t particularly like running either. My awareness about my feelings however, was important. I knew I needed to be present to my internal storm, rather than try to avoid it.
So, I walked; first I bumped into a couple who live in my neighbourhood. They have two dogs and I gratefully enjoyed snuggles with their Rottweiler. It felt so good to feel his fur, hear his panting and look into his big brown eyes. They also shared some beautiful thoughts around losing our furry friends that gave me comfort…
‘don’t grieve for me, you gave me the best life’
I continued on and began to notice the bird life, the old puriri trees, the soft breeze and the sun breaking through the canopy. Beauty began to bring lightness into my uneasiness. Almost untangling my pent-up emotions and constricted ways of thinking, so they were easier to assimilate. I continued to follow the track out to the beach. As I arrived, I noticed the tide was at its lowest. The sand rippled, like I imagine the unseen vibrations we send into the Universe, through our thoughts, words and actions.
I continued on and came to the cliffs, where pohutukawa trees cling precariously above, their red flowers beginning to appear, just like every other summer. Rocks and debris which were unable to hold on, lay shattered below. The different layers of earth, create patterns on the cliff face, a timeline and a reminder of the depth of our beautiful Papatūānuku (Māmā Earth).
A kōtare (kingfisher) swoops down and lands on a rock, 30 or so metres in front of me. We greet each other, well I say hello. It stays put, as I walk closer and then it opens its gorgeous blue wings and flies to a branch on the side of the cliff. It looks at me, then towards the top of the cliff. It repeats this action a couple of times, like it wants me to look up there too. I do so, taking in the view of the steep rock face and the vibrant blue sky above.
I continued on, finding a spot to practice my morning rituals and then once I’m done, I wonder to the entrance of the ngahere (forest). I take a moment before climbing the steep stairs, making my way through the native flora.
I hear and then see a kererū (wood pigeon) just before I enter a part of the ngahere that is extra quiet. The peace I feel, urges me to walk gentler upon the whenua (land), slower and more conscious. I sense the mauri (life force) in this area more so and feel myself become more connected; a part of the ngahere. I honour the trees and then walk on to a look out, soaking up the splendid view. I continue down the stairs, and onto the beach, where the ripples from the waves are still imprinted upon the sand.
I returned to the track and wonder home. My thoughts are no longer in turmoil and my emotions don’t resemble a tangled ball of twine anymore. There is a peace that now settles upon me and I can see life more clearly. I notice an empty can of iced tea, tossed aside, laying empty upon the whenua. I pick it up, put it in the rubbish bin and make my way home.
So many tohu (signs)
People reminding me of the good life Zeus had.
The rottweiler, who pushed at me for snuggles, like Zeus used to.
Ripples upon the sand, like my thoughts and language spreading across the land.
Pohutukawa flowers, reminding me that seasons change and to trust the process.
Shattered rocks, a symbolism to let go, that not every burden is mine to carry.
Kererū and kōtare reminding me to look up and that I’m supported on the physical and spiritual planes.
The quiet ngahere, pulling me into the present moment - more conscious, becoming one with my surroundings.
The taiao (nature) has helped change how I feel within and returned me to my natural state. It’s helped hold my grief, replenish my thoughts, soothe my fears, awaken my compassion and brought more peace to my wairua (spirit).
Nature has a way of doing this. When we step outside, without the EarPods, podcasts, music and simply allow ourselves to be immersed in the beauty.
Are you a nature lover too?
If you had to choose between the ngahere, maunga (mountain) or moana (ocean)/awa (rivers), which would you choose?
I’m asking, but I’m not sure I can choose between the moana and ngahere!
If you think people would enjoy my musings, I’d love you to share them x
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